there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
