before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
