real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
