I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
