Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
