The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
