sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
