he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
