help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
