i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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