We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
