i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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