You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
