This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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