Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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