I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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