I got chris browned last night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
