It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
