Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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