He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
where are you?
Hypothermia
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
