This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
