this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
