They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
