You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
