I hate all girls vehemently.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
