good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
