So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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