I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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