She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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