There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
