my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
