I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
