Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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