Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
