I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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