Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
