That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
