I skipped work to stalk him.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
