Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
