38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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