I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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