Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
