your thong is hanging out like whoa
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
