We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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