They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
