Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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