I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
