he told me I talked like a deaf person
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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