Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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