Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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