I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
