Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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