Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Randomize
