I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
