I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
