and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
