so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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