he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
