I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
