i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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