I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i've created a new STD.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
