shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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