At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
