Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
third nipple confirmed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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