last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
