Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
