what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
