we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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