It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
