Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
