The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
