I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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