are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
