You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so let's talk penis.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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