two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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