If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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