i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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