i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
