Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
